Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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