I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
nutella sex= disaster
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
