420 ftw
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
