the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.