I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.