I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
