I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.