I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
