I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.