I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.