I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
FUCK WHALES
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