I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
