I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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