i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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