I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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