when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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