toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
