i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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