kristin has been a bad kristin
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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