I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
