You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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