my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
