Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
