Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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