help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
