I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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