Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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