you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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