Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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