Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize