just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
