She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
