Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
