this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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