she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
