mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
