Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
