Swine flu. Run for my life!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
