Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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