you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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