I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
