You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just wanna soil my oats bro
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize