I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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