6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
