I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
