ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I need help removing her.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
