My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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