He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
