Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
