Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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