and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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