some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
