I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
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If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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