Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
