I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
