aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
