I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
