Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
