Cold hands, warm shart.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
