what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
