i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
