There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
