Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
