Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
