How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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