I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
