I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
