There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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