Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
