Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
