He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
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I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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