YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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