At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
