I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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